if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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