Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Cover your peen. We're going out.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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