every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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