I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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