Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
