i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
