Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
