vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
