I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
