we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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