u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
