I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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