Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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