That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Hippo gnu deer
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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