So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
