I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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