have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
do herpes really smell.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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