we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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