Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
