She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
