Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
