he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
