so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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