I heard we made out
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
