i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
