the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize