I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
