We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
