3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
