My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize