I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Damn victory sex feels great
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
