She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
