you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
