just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
