I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
