So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
foreskin is a definite game changer
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
