her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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