I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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