the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The uberlube is also flammable
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
