We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
