i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
