that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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