Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Randomize
