I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
