I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
