Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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