man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She needs sedatives and a leash
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
