hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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