It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
