So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
