There is no way he is gay with that hair.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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