My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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