She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
