We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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