I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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