The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Sober January is a disaster.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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