I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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