Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
