1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
