My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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