I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
