Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
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Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
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George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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