Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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