My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
