Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
