fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
