Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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