Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
