mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
